My friend Peggy laughed the other day when I told her about my “wonky” vision. “Wonky? Kathie, what kind of word is that?” Peggy was right to laugh! Yet at that moment it seemed to best express how the world appeared to me– blurred, slightly off-kilter, full of shadows and fading away– wonky! For months, I struggled to read the fine print on packages and containers and then it got to the point where even regular print was difficult to read. I bought a large print Bible, but it also became increasingly difficult as the words I attempted to read seemed to mush together. As my sight deteriorated, I became forgetful and disorganized; processing my thoughts became an almost overwhelming task. Reading was no longer a joy, yet the hardest part for me was when the process of writing lost its spark and I had to stop. I never realized how, for me, putting words on a page is interwoven with reading (seeing), thinking and praying! I wondered, was this it? Had the creative window to encouraging others with the words our Creator used to encourage me been closed for good?
I finally made an appointment to get my eyes checked, thinking I needed a stronger prescription for my glasses. It was a shock when, a week before my husband and I left to visit our son and daughter-in-law in China, I found out I needed to have cataract surgery when we returned home. The lenses in my eyes had become cloudy and darkened over time and needed to be replaced. (Am I that old?!!) Due to the advances in medical technology, I have been told that replacing the lens in the human eye is a fairly easy surgery. If all goes well I should end up seeing almost as good as I did when I was when I was in my twenties!
Having to delay the surgery because of our scheduled trip meant extra time to think about what I would do if something went wrong; what if I lost sight in one or both of my eyes? What then? I struggled as I faced the question we all must face when life gets wonky–will we trust God for our daily sustenance and for our future–even when things do not go as we want? Or, will we trust in technological advances and hope for the best? In asking these questions I in no way mean to disregard the benefits of technology. Every morning I walk down the stairs of our home I marvel at the wonder of walking pain-free because of my knee-replacement installed seven years ago! What I am saying is that to forget the Source of all that is right and good in this world is to diminish the true wonder of the blessings received through technology. Perhaps more importantly, to forget the Source of what is right and good is to lose sight of the wisdom and perspective needed when life gets wonky and technology fails us.
I love the perspective provided in the Book of Job when God finally responds to the complaints and accusations made by Job and his friends:Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said: “Who is this that obscures My plans with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer Me.
Last Wednesday I had the first surgery replacing the lens in my right eye. It went well and I have to admit I was more than a little tickled when I opened my eyes Thursday morning and could read the time on the clock on our bedroom wall! For now, my vision is still a little wonky with my mismatched eyes but at least reading is less a struggle and I can write again! My second surgery is scheduled for next week and I can hardly wait to find out what God has in store because I know and trust His Plan for you and me (no matter what happens) is right and good!
All to His Glory!