For months, perhaps even over a year, I tried to ignore what was happening to my body. Thinking that the physical pain I was experiencing had to do with getting older,* I tried to keep going until I couldn’t any more. Bent sideways in pain like a lower-case “c”, a cane became a friend, helping me to and from the bathroom and to the downstairs couch. I struggled to think beyond the pain, often thinking about my grandparents–they seemed to age so much more gracefully than I was at this point in their lives. I also thought about the day I walked down the aisle on my father’s arm to marry my husband, never dreaming that almost fifty years later I would be so needy of his patience and support.
I became homebound, dreading the excruciating pain of having to get into and out of our car to go doctor appointments. You may well ask, where was God in all of this? I confess, at times I wondered too. My fear was not of dying–I know my eternal future is secure in Christ Jesus. No, my fear was of living out my life as a burden to my husband. I wondered: How was I going to honor Christ in the state I was in?
When we met with the pain specialist, she described my condition as “a train wreck”. She said that there were four pieces that contributed to my condition, but that she thought she could help me. When we left her office, my husband commented that my condition was like, The Perfect Storm, referring to the movie about how three raging weather fronts collided to produce the greatest, fiercest storm in modern history. Although he spoke of it in a negative sense, I found encouragement and smiled as I thought about God’s PERFECT plan being worked out in my life. It was then that I gained clarity on what I had experienced up to that moment and what was to come. The question was:
- Would I trust Him in my present situation–as well as in what my future held for me?
- Was I going to look at where I found myself as being in the center of God’s PERFECT will?
It was then that the light of HOPE flooded my mind and heart. A verse I have clung to through many a difficult season came to mind:
“All the days ordained for me were written in Your book
before one of them came to be.”
It was in that moment, that I gladly embraced whatever God has in mind for my future on this earth. Since then the beauty of this truth as deepened as He has ministered to me through the Scriptures with hope-filled words such as these:
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
As I write this, I do so especially for those of you who are suffering–be it the loss of your health, the loss of a loved one, or the loss of a dream. I write to attest to God’s faithfulness in the midst of uncertainty and pain. No matter what the storm you are facing, He is only a prayer away. If you are feeling lost or uncertain about your future, run to Him through the Scriptures to discover the wisdom and help you need. (If you’re not sure where to begin, look up “hope” in the Bible to help you get started.)
I offer all of this in the love, humility and grace of a faithful God who is absolutely worthy of our trust . . .❤️
All to His Glory!
*I am in my seventh decade–😊