Not Afraid . . . .

“My heart falters,
fear makes me tremble;
the twilight I longed for
has become a horror to me.”
Isaiah 21:4

I do not think of myself as a fearful person. I have followed Christ for more than forty years, faced many a trial, and time and again He has proved Himself faithful. For twenty-five of those years, I have sought to strengthen every Client I have counseled, by helping them gain confidence in going to the Scriptures for the wisdom and perspective they need.

Yet, I must confess that giving way to fear is the area in my life where I remain most vulnerable. Indeed, there are times when my heart falters and fear makes me tremble as my mind follows the ever winding downward path of, the“What if’s?”  I have prayed about it, confessing my weaknesses while fearing that I would fail to be faithful when/if truly tough times came. My one comfort that has provided hope for me at the prospect of facing hard times is the counsel Jesus gave His disciples before His arrest:

“Whenever you are arrested and brought to trial,
do not worry beforehand about what to say.
Just say whatever is given you at the time,
for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.”
Mark 13:11

Being mindful of how the Holy Spirit watched over and protected the early church, how he has radically changed lives through the centuries (including my own) I knew that relying on God’s Spirit was my only hope.

Then hard times came in the form of COVID-19.  After months of “sheltering in place” and facing my own vulnerability–I’m over 70 years of age with heart and lung issues–I found myself mentally in an ever deepening hole of fear despite my determination to face my fears. During that time I had two extended episodes of heart palpitations that I normally would have gone to the hospital for, but did not. Why? Because the thought of going to the hospital and picking up the virus terrified me most of all.

During that time, as fear continued to rule my heart, I struggled with guilt. I prayed, confessing my fears and asking Him to somehow help me to have victory over them. His answer to my prayer began on the evening of August 4 when I learned that:

 God often uses the very things we are most afraid of
to draw us closer to Himself.

The day had been crazy after a tornado hit our town-an extremely rare occurance. Our son and daughter-in-law were spending the night with us because their electric was off and they had a lot of debris from the tornado blocking their driveway.   I hadn’t felt well that day, but that was no different from  most days.  We shared a celebration dinner that no one was seriously hurt or killed in our area. I remember thinking as I sipped a glass of wine that maybe it would help settle my stomach that had been touchy all day.  Nothing could have been further from the truth . . . .

At about ten that evening I started feeling sick, and as the pain in my abdominal area increased, I knew I was in trouble.  I screamed for my husband to call an ambulance and suddenly all my fears of going to the hospital vanished as I began to pray:

“Thank you, Lord, that you love me and that You are worthy of my trust. Thank you for sending your Son to free me from my sins
and that my days are in Your most capable hands.
Help me Lord to not give way to fear
but to see those trying to help me with Your eyes.”

It was a prayer that I had come to say in my battle against fear. That night, and in the days that followed, it took over my perceptions as God’s Spirit worked double duty in my heart.

As the ambulance neared the hospital the words of Jesus waved like a banner across my mind:

“I have come that they (you!) may have life, and have it to the full.”
John 10:10b

As I entered the Emergency Room that night I realized that whatever happened was part of the “fullness” God had planned for me all along. It was in that moment that hope and a quiet confidence in knowing that whatever happened would be according to God’s good, pleasing and perfect will . . .❤️*

I will write more about God’s faithfulness in my next post. For now, I ask you this one question: In this season of uncertainty, do you find yourself giving way to fear as I did?

There is nothing wrong with being afraid in uncertain times. However, there is definitely something wrong when, as Christ-followers, we allow our faith to be overrun by fear. Reflecting now on how God took over, providing the courage I could never have mustered in and of myself, I am grateful for this truth:

God often uses the very things we are most afraid of
to draw us closer to Himself.

Whatever you are facing, God is bigger than your fears and is worthy of your trust. I urge you to give thanks with me to a God who is faithful as we trust in His faithfulness:

“My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Psalm 73:26

All to His Glory!

*Romans 12:2