Courage to Love, Courage to Forgive . . . .*

 “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.”
I Corinthians 13:6c-8a

I find it almost amusing when memories of past seasons are triggered by reading certain portions of Scripture.  It happened this week, while reading  I Corinthians 13.  I could not hold back a slight smile as I remembered God’s patience with me when our eldest was about 16.  It was a challenging season for both of us.  While trying to protect her from what I thought were foolish decisions, I could sense the frustration and resentment building in my daughter’s heart.  Convicted that I was allowing my fears for her to get in the way of true wisdom, I sat down and  opened my Bible to what is often referred to as the Love Chapter.  I started by reading verse 4 aloud:

“‘Love is patient, love is kind,’ ~ and as I thought and prayed I answered God’s call with, “Yes Lord, I can be patient, I can be kinder to my daughter.”

I continued on slowly, reading and responding to God’s call: “Yes Lord. I can resist being envious . . . being rude . . .” and so on.

My time with the Lord was going great until I got to verse 7, when I started to choke as I read,“love always trusts . . . .”  As “always trusts” echoed in my mind, I remember starting to panic as I prayed, “But Lord, she’s 16!  I don’t know that I can trust her!”

Almost immediately He spoke to my fears with the assurance,
“BUT YOU CAN TRUST ME!”
It took a moment for me to absorb what He had said.
Gradually, He helped to strip away that fear
as I determined to trust Him in the process.  
 I remember smiling to myself as I responded,
“Yes Lord, YES!  I CAN and I WILL trust in YOU!”

Reflecting back, it was a “red letter” day for my personal growth, as God gave me the courage I lacked to love my daughter, by trusting Him in the process. 

It was an important lesson about resisting fear and discovering courage to love when being tested.  What I didn’t know was that God’s faithfulness in teaching me that lesson, was preparing me for a much more challenging life season when  I would doubt my ability to love and to forgive as fear and loneliness gripped my heart and mind.  I remember finding this quotation at the time, attributed to Mother Theresa, that still profoundly resonates with my experience:

“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted
is the most terrible poverty.”        

While Mother Theresa understood the abject poverty of the societal rejects of India better than most, she also saw that the needs of people (whatever their station in life) run beyond their material needs.  She recognized that loneliness (and the perception of not being valued) is a cold darkness that can strip people bare- no matter what their status.  The greater the loneliness–the more introspective and dark our perceptions become and the more terrible our poverty.

 Many times loneliness is tied to deep hurt or disappointment in a relationship that often leads to depression.  Have you known such loneliness?  I certainly have.  The problem of loneliness is compounded, when sufferers build emotional and spiritual barriers in an attempt to guard against being hurt again.  Humanly speaking this is understandable.  Truthfully, I confess that I have existed there at times.:

 I say “existed” because,
when we surround ourselves with emotional and spiritual barriers,
there is a danger in deadening ourselves to “life” at many levels
and sadly, in the process, compound our loneliness.

So what is the answer to being stuck in such a place?

When I became convicted that the barriers of protection I had set up were deadening my heart,  I realized that I needed to trust God to free me from that dark place. I struggled for several mornings as I went to God through doing my  Journey Notes.   

On the first three mornings of seeking His help, my concerns expressed my fears in a series of “What if’s?” 

• “What if I get hurt again?
• What if I am made a fool of?
• What if . . .?”  

On those days, I ended up feeling tormented and beaten down as FEAR continued to grip my heart and I could see no way out. Thankfully, on the fourth morning there came a shift in my thinking.  That morning, instead of focusing on questions of “what if?” I instead asked:

• “HOW am I to love?  
• HOW am I to forgive?  
• HOW to move forward?”  

Within moments I found the answers to the “how’s” when I opened my Bible and read Ephesians 4:26b-5:2.   (Honestly, the moment was miraculous.  As I read, it was as if God had literally opened a window that flooded my perceptions with light and hope through the Apostle Paul’s writing.)

In answer to my questions: How are we to love again?  How are we to forgive?  Paul prescribed the following:

 “In your anger do not sin:
Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
and do not give the devil a foothold.
He who has been stealing must steal no longer,
but must work, doing something useful with his own hands,
that he may have something to share with those in need.”  

(God’s call to you and me, “Stop being run by fear!  Take your eyes off of yourself and follow Me!”) 

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,
but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs,
that it may benefit those who listen.  

(Seek to be a blessor to ALL who cross your path as you resist the ugliness of grumbling.)

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,
with whom you were sealed  for the day of redemption. 
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander,
along with every form of malice.  

(Remember WHO you belong to . . .
loving and forgiving are not optional!)  

Finally, Paul wrote:

Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children
and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us
and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering
and sacrifice to God.”
Ephesians 4:26b-5:2

It was the last piece that really grabbed my attention.  In response, I wrote:

“I celebrate Your mercy and wisdom in reminding me that loving is not about me.  Loving is about You and it is about Christ’s sacrifice, made on behalf of all people.  For my part, loving is about:

•  Forgiving because I have been forgiven.
•  It is about compassion granted because it reflects what Christ so freely did for me.  

Having said this, it strikes me that to love deeply (to truly forgive) requires a special kind of courage.  It is a courage that is rare and cannot be manufactured by human will or reason.  Such love is totally invested in Your ability to cleanse, mend and restore what has been shattered.  Thank You God for the hope that is mine because of Your Presence in my heart and life.  There is so much I don’t understand but I choose to rest in Your ability to help me to forgive and to love as You have so freely forgiven and loved me.”

That morning I realized in a deeply personal way
that it took courage for Jesus to do what He did.  
From that day forward I leaned heavily on Christ’s example of faithfulness
to provide the courage I needed to daily love and to forgive.  
How about you?  Are you struggling in a relationship as I did?  
If you are . . . I urge you to go to Him now in repentance and in faith.  
Trust Him to provide the courage you lack
as you begin the process of loving and forgiving.  
He is so totally worthy of our trust!

All to His Glory!

*Rewrite from September, 2011 post.